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 The Joke Thread

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Hatch DLM

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Location : Tiptree
Cars : DLM 1 & my daily DLM 1
Posts : 1264
Occupation : Retired HGV 1 driver, Now full time layabout

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Fri Apr 13, 2012 5:28 pm

Do they have Left and Right writen on their shoes, front and back on their trousers.

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Andy

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Location : Margate
Cars : 1953 Rover 75, 1974 Rover 3500s, 1998 Honda CB750
Posts : 328

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Sat Apr 14, 2012 6:17 am

The German chancellor visited Greece. At border control she was asked:

Name? Angela Merkle

Nationality? German.

Occupation? No, just a holiday.
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Split-Lee
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Location : Margate
Cars : 1962 Splitscreen VW Camper, 1983 VW Polo
Posts : 4540
Occupation : Doing as little as possible.

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Thu May 31, 2012 1:30 am

The Security at the Olympic Stadium in London is really tight. I asked a guard to lend me 50p for a cup of tea and he told me to "Do one"

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Its the letters on the badge that count, not how shiny they are or how far off the ground.

www.classicsforoccasions.co.uk
Wedding, Proms and more. Many classic cars available for hire,
Wedding Cars Thanet, Kent.
In the Margate, Ramsgate, Broadstairs, Kent Area.
Email Lee@classicsforoccasions.co.uk for more info.
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Number6

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Location : Ramsgate
Cars : Sunbeam stiletto, Singer chamois, Landrover series 2a, Saab 900 T16
Posts : 384
Occupation : Landscape gardener

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Thu May 31, 2012 8:35 am

A mate of mine text me today to say he was in Margate A+E.

Apparently a Dyson ball cleaner is not what he thought it was!
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Hatch DLM

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Location : Tiptree
Cars : DLM 1 & my daily DLM 1
Posts : 1264
Occupation : Retired HGV 1 driver, Now full time layabout

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Thu May 31, 2012 11:19 pm

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ?"
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Split-Lee
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Location : Margate
Cars : 1962 Splitscreen VW Camper, 1983 VW Polo
Posts : 4540
Occupation : Doing as little as possible.

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Wed Jun 06, 2012 11:59 am

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down. You have my word.

_________________


Its the letters on the badge that count, not how shiny they are or how far off the ground.

www.classicsforoccasions.co.uk
Wedding, Proms and more. Many classic cars available for hire,
Wedding Cars Thanet, Kent.
In the Margate, Ramsgate, Broadstairs, Kent Area.
Email Lee@classicsforoccasions.co.uk for more info.
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View user profile http://www.thanetclassics.co.uk
Split-Lee
Admin
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Location : Margate
Cars : 1962 Splitscreen VW Camper, 1983 VW Polo
Posts : 4540
Occupation : Doing as little as possible.

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:13 am

I went to the doctors earlier."Good news" he said, "Your prosthetic arms are in!""Fantastic" I smiled."We just need you to sign here before surgery." he added.

I stood on the wrong side of a fan today.It sucked.

Me and my recliner... we go way back...

Being a prison guard has to be the easiest job ever. I mean, who's going to steal a prison?

_________________


Its the letters on the badge that count, not how shiny they are or how far off the ground.

www.classicsforoccasions.co.uk
Wedding, Proms and more. Many classic cars available for hire,
Wedding Cars Thanet, Kent.
In the Margate, Ramsgate, Broadstairs, Kent Area.
Email Lee@classicsforoccasions.co.uk for more info.
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View user profile http://www.thanetclassics.co.uk
Split-Lee
Admin
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Location : Margate
Cars : 1962 Splitscreen VW Camper, 1983 VW Polo
Posts : 4540
Occupation : Doing as little as possible.

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Thu Jun 14, 2012 10:04 am

My wife is going to a fancy dress party as a rastafarian and she's asked me to do her hair.
I'm dreading it.

Over the last few days I've received 3 anonymous presents:- A bag of almonds, a packet of brazils and a tin of cashews
.I've no idea who it is, but they're sending me nuts.

_________________


Its the letters on the badge that count, not how shiny they are or how far off the ground.

www.classicsforoccasions.co.uk
Wedding, Proms and more. Many classic cars available for hire,
Wedding Cars Thanet, Kent.
In the Margate, Ramsgate, Broadstairs, Kent Area.
Email Lee@classicsforoccasions.co.uk for more info.
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View user profile http://www.thanetclassics.co.uk
Whizz

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Location : Ramsgate
Cars : 1987 Mini Mayfair
Posts : 130
Occupation : Self Employed

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Sat Jun 16, 2012 5:32 am

Two brunettes and a blonde just broke out of jail, while running form the police they run into an old barn to hide. The first brunette hid up in the loft, the second brunette hid in the stalls, and the blonde hid in a potato sack. The police ran in. One cop ran up to the loft and the brunette says, 'meowwwww'. 'Nothing but a little cat up here' says the cop. 'Okay, let's go check the stalls' So the other brunette says 'moooooooooo'. 'Oh, nothing here but a cow'. 'okay, lets go check over there by that potato sack' so they go over there and the blonde says 'potatoooo.'
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Split-Lee
Admin
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Location : Margate
Cars : 1962 Splitscreen VW Camper, 1983 VW Polo
Posts : 4540
Occupation : Doing as little as possible.

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Sun Jul 29, 2012 5:40 am

I've just bought a border collie.

The one I already had wasn't bored enough.

_________________


Its the letters on the badge that count, not how shiny they are or how far off the ground.

www.classicsforoccasions.co.uk
Wedding, Proms and more. Many classic cars available for hire,
Wedding Cars Thanet, Kent.
In the Margate, Ramsgate, Broadstairs, Kent Area.
Email Lee@classicsforoccasions.co.uk for more info.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.thanetclassics.co.uk
Whizz

avatar

Location : Ramsgate
Cars : 1987 Mini Mayfair
Posts : 130
Occupation : Self Employed

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Mon Jul 30, 2012 9:16 pm

Number6 wrote:
A mate of mine text me today to say he was in Margate A+E.

Apparently a Dyson ball cleaner is not what he thought it was!

BEST ONE YET! Laughing
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Split-Lee
Admin
avatar

Location : Margate
Cars : 1962 Splitscreen VW Camper, 1983 VW Polo
Posts : 4540
Occupation : Doing as little as possible.

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Wed Aug 15, 2012 5:16 am

A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read " Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it..
Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrived.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"
The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!"

_________________


Its the letters on the badge that count, not how shiny they are or how far off the ground.

www.classicsforoccasions.co.uk
Wedding, Proms and more. Many classic cars available for hire,
Wedding Cars Thanet, Kent.
In the Margate, Ramsgate, Broadstairs, Kent Area.
Email Lee@classicsforoccasions.co.uk for more info.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.thanetclassics.co.uk
Hatch DLM

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Location : Tiptree
Cars : DLM 1 & my daily DLM 1
Posts : 1264
Occupation : Retired HGV 1 driver, Now full time layabout

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Sat Apr 20, 2013 8:40 am

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